1.29.08

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I don't really know how to describe tonight...
I walked into youth feeling slightly...how should I put this? Slightly apathetic, I suppose. I wasn't really excited to be there, but I did look forward to having a good time overall and learning something. During drama practice I sat out in the lobby to read my book, even though everyone else wanted me to fill in for Jaydee. I don't act, and not everyone has accepted that yet! Lol. My sound/music job was sort of taken over (no hard feelings though), so I didn't really have anything else to do.

I expressed to Rachel something I've been feeling lately, and I think she understood. I suppose its an inevitable feeling, but I'm not quite sure how to handle it. A part of me wants to run and hide in God's arms--in His greatness, in His presence. I just want to soak Him up, to feel the warmth of His embrace, and to bask in His radiance! Another part, and thankfully a smaller one, wants to sit and sulk about it--wish it were different. Anyways, Rachel didn't have too much to say, but she listened, which is all I can really ask for.

Tonight David talked about the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, who is, in essence, God inside of us Christians. He explained that the Holy Spirit guides us into truth and convicts us. He went on to talk about how Greg's parents got baptized this past Sunday, and in an effort to show the possible results of witnessing, he mentioned how because I had witnessed to Greg that one day at school, his parents had been saved, and someday down the road, random people in Africa might be too.

Oh my. At first it was okay. Then it got to me. If I hadn't have been sitting in that crowd of people, I would have burst into tears. I nearly did too. I've always looked up to Greg, proud of him that he was able to show his parents who God is. But I never, NOT ONCE, thought about it the way David put it. It's the same thing as when Mr. Lenny was telling us David's story out in Immokalee. That's stuck with me too. In both situations, God showed me (loud and clear) that I will never know what will come of a small witnessing opportunity.

Man, when I talked to Greg, all we did was argue about the bible! Seriously--did Jesus really walk on water? Is there a such thing as demon possession? No one was ACTUALLY raised from the dead. I never convinced him of anything, and I never thought I would. But obviously, something caught his attention, and now his parents have accepted Jesus as well.

Back to youth tonight. Worship at the end was beautiful...No words of mine could fully express God's glory, or even come close. I don't think I'd really want to try, for fear of messing it all up. Overcome with a weight for certain people, a desire to truly live for God, and a general feeling of wonderful inadequateness, all I could do was lift my hands and face towards the ceiling, and let God wipe my tears.

Until later,
Courtney