Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I don't really know how to describe tonight...
I walked into youth feeling slightly...how should I put this? Slightly apathetic, I suppose. I wasn't really excited to be there, but I did look forward to having a good time overall and learning something. During drama practice I sat out in the lobby to read my book, even though everyone else wanted me to fill in for Jaydee. I don't act, and not everyone has accepted that yet! Lol. My sound/music job was sort of taken over (no hard feelings though), so I didn't really have anything else to do.
I expressed to Rachel something I've been feeling lately, and I think she understood. I suppose its an inevitable feeling, but I'm not quite sure how to handle it. A part of me wants to run and hide in God's arms--in His greatness, in His presence. I just want to soak Him up, to feel the warmth of His embrace, and to bask in His radiance! Another part, and thankfully a smaller one, wants to sit and sulk about it--wish it were different. Anyways, Rachel didn't have too much to say, but she listened, which is all I can really ask for.
Tonight David talked about the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, who is, in essence, God inside of us Christians. He explained that the Holy Spirit guides us into truth and convicts us. He went on to talk about how Greg's parents got baptized this past Sunday, and in an effort to show the possible results of witnessing, he mentioned how because I had witnessed to Greg that one day at school, his parents had been saved, and someday down the road, random people in Africa might be too.
Oh my. At first it was okay. Then it got to me. If I hadn't have been sitting in that crowd of people, I would have burst into tears. I nearly did too. I've always looked up to Greg, proud of him that he was able to show his parents who God is. But I never, NOT ONCE, thought about it the way David put it. It's the same thing as when Mr. Lenny was telling us David's story out in Immokalee. That's stuck with me too. In both situations, God showed me (loud and clear) that I will never know what will come of a small witnessing opportunity.
Man, when I talked to Greg, all we did was argue about the bible! Seriously--did Jesus really walk on water? Is there a such thing as demon possession? No one was ACTUALLY raised from the dead. I never convinced him of anything, and I never thought I would. But obviously, something caught his attention, and now his parents have accepted Jesus as well.
Back to youth tonight. Worship at the end was beautiful...No words of mine could fully express God's glory, or even come close. I don't think I'd really want to try, for fear of messing it all up. Overcome with a weight for certain people, a desire to truly live for God, and a general feeling of wonderful inadequateness, all I could do was lift my hands and face towards the ceiling, and let God wipe my tears.
Until later,
Courtney
1.29.08
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Sunday, January 6, 2008
We go back to school tomorrow.
I am relieved in a way, because that ensures no more boredom. However, I am also nervous. I'm worried that I'll settle back into my old routine--that cycle I mentioned awhile back. I don't know. I've asked God to help me, and to continue giving me a desire for Him, so I guess all I can do now is do my best, and trust that He'll "back me up". =]
Today I was talking to a friend of mine over text-messaging, and we were talking about her life at school, and how she has trouble being "herself", in other words a christian. She said that everyone around her cusses, and that makes it hard for her. I though to myself, "GoodNESS! Just wait til she gets to high school!" Really, though, I understand what she's saying. And it made me think. Am I like that? Do I live a "double life"? Not exactly. I can say though that my problem is not a matter of what I do at school, but what I don't do. I look at people and I see the pain behind their smiles, I see their needs that haven't been met, and I see their desire for love and attention...but do I do anything? NO. I preach about this God I love and serve, and how He's done so much for me, yet I don't even try to show those other people my faith in action. Several people come to mind from my 7th period. I want to help, I want to talk to them. But how do you bring up a conversation with someone you don't know that well, without them getting defensive?
If I could, I'd tell the girl on my bus that no matter what goes on in her life--at home, her relationships, her friends--that Jesus will always be there for her, if she'd only give her heart to Him. I'd tell her that He won't ever let her down, He won't break her heart, and He'll be the best, most reliable friend she could ever have.
If I could, I'd tell the girl that doesn't smell very good that I don't know what goes on at her house, or why she's not being taken care of, but if there is anything at all that she needs, I would do my best to get it for her. Whether it's a bath, a toothbrush, or even just a friend...I want to help make her life a little bit better, and give God all the credit.If I could, I'd tell the most fashionable girl around that...*gotta go*
Until later,
Courtney
We go back to school tomorrow.
I am relieved in a way, because that ensures no more boredom. However, I am also nervous. I'm worried that I'll settle back into my old routine--that cycle I mentioned awhile back. I don't know. I've asked God to help me, and to continue giving me a desire for Him, so I guess all I can do now is do my best, and trust that He'll "back me up". =]
Today I was talking to a friend of mine over text-messaging, and we were talking about her life at school, and how she has trouble being "herself", in other words a christian. She said that everyone around her cusses, and that makes it hard for her. I though to myself, "GoodNESS! Just wait til she gets to high school!" Really, though, I understand what she's saying. And it made me think. Am I like that? Do I live a "double life"? Not exactly. I can say though that my problem is not a matter of what I do at school, but what I don't do. I look at people and I see the pain behind their smiles, I see their needs that haven't been met, and I see their desire for love and attention...but do I do anything? NO. I preach about this God I love and serve, and how He's done so much for me, yet I don't even try to show those other people my faith in action. Several people come to mind from my 7th period. I want to help, I want to talk to them. But how do you bring up a conversation with someone you don't know that well, without them getting defensive?
If I could, I'd tell the girl on my bus that no matter what goes on in her life--at home, her relationships, her friends--that Jesus will always be there for her, if she'd only give her heart to Him. I'd tell her that He won't ever let her down, He won't break her heart, and He'll be the best, most reliable friend she could ever have.
If I could, I'd tell the girl that doesn't smell very good that I don't know what goes on at her house, or why she's not being taken care of, but if there is anything at all that she needs, I would do my best to get it for her. Whether it's a bath, a toothbrush, or even just a friend...I want to help make her life a little bit better, and give God all the credit.If I could, I'd tell the most fashionable girl around that...*gotta go*
Until later,
Courtney
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
I just woke up, and I am ready for church this morning! Not physically or anything; I'm still in bed! But, I am just excited to get back into God's house, with His people, and worship Him and learn about Him!As I was lying here, just thinking, I realized God partially answered one of my prayers! I won't share what or who exactly, but I'm so excited. I really am! Not just for what God is showing me, but also for those people I'm praying for. To see that some of my friends are beginning to have an honest desire for God and church makes me so happy!
I remember a couple years ago, when a girl I've known since middle school accepted Christ. It wasn't by me or anything, but she knew I was a christian, and I'll never forget something she said. When she came to announce her big news, she told me, after seeing my reaction, that she wanted to tell me because she knew I'd be excited for her. That might not mean anything to anyone else, but to know that, despite the fact we weren't very close, she saw that in me!
Well, must go--church in an hour.
Until later,
Courtney
I just woke up, and I am ready for church this morning! Not physically or anything; I'm still in bed! But, I am just excited to get back into God's house, with His people, and worship Him and learn about Him!As I was lying here, just thinking, I realized God partially answered one of my prayers! I won't share what or who exactly, but I'm so excited. I really am! Not just for what God is showing me, but also for those people I'm praying for. To see that some of my friends are beginning to have an honest desire for God and church makes me so happy!
I remember a couple years ago, when a girl I've known since middle school accepted Christ. It wasn't by me or anything, but she knew I was a christian, and I'll never forget something she said. When she came to announce her big news, she told me, after seeing my reaction, that she wanted to tell me because she knew I'd be excited for her. That might not mean anything to anyone else, but to know that, despite the fact we weren't very close, she saw that in me!
Well, must go--church in an hour.
Until later,
Courtney
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
A couple days ago, I was contemplating guilt. I was thinking about the effects of it, when I feel it, etc., and I was reminded of King David. I remembered hearing, or reading, rather, that he was affected by his guilt even to the point of physical illness! That got me thinking--why aren't I bothered that much when I sin? I'm not saying that I NEVER feel guilty, but it seems like that's only when my sin is "something big".
I know that in God's eyes, all sin is the same, so I asked Him to help me recognize ALL my sins, even those "little" ones, and give me an honest feeling of guilt...Guilt that I've not only done something to someone else, but to God Himself.
Until later,
Courtney
A couple days ago, I was contemplating guilt. I was thinking about the effects of it, when I feel it, etc., and I was reminded of King David. I remembered hearing, or reading, rather, that he was affected by his guilt even to the point of physical illness! That got me thinking--why aren't I bothered that much when I sin? I'm not saying that I NEVER feel guilty, but it seems like that's only when my sin is "something big".
I know that in God's eyes, all sin is the same, so I asked Him to help me recognize ALL my sins, even those "little" ones, and give me an honest feeling of guilt...Guilt that I've not only done something to someone else, but to God Himself.
Until later,
Courtney
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
I was so excited to head back to church tonight! I missed everybody so much--they are my second family, and even though a lot of us aren't close, just seeing their faces every week is a huge comfort! David started a really good series titled "iGod--little i, big GOD." It's based around John 3:30, which states "He must become greater, I must become less." (NIV) That is one of my favorite verses. To me, it says so much about how our lives should be.
God opened another door for me today. That girl I mentioned, the one I started talking to in 7th period? Today I was able to invite her to church comfortably--it fit into our conversation perfectly. After I asked though, I felt as if I had hit a dead end, a brick wall. She lives in Ft. Myers, and doesn't think her grandma would take her. Although I'm hesitant to admit this, I though, "Uh-oh. Now I have to tell her about Jesus himself, instead of just inviting her to church." Honestly, I've only ever done that twice, and they were extremely uncomfortable situations. I've prayed about how exactly I would start, and I've got an idea. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.
Oh, my God is so amazing! I am in absolute AWE of Him right now...I was talking to him earlier, and I was running through a list of what He is doing in my life and in the lives of the people I've been praying for. I admit, its a short list. But for the VERY FIRST time, if you were to ask me what God is doing for me RIGHT NOW, I would be able to answer you. I'm watching Him answer my prayers right before my eyes--opportunities to witness at school and the courage to follow through, building up my faith in Him and giving me a desire to spend time with Him, changing my dad's heart and giving him a willingness and an openness to hear about God's love. These may seem like simple things to some of you, but they are so important to me that to see God doing something with them brings tears of joy and wonder! I am so excited right now too! It's 11:40 pm on a school night, but I don't feel like sleeping. I just want to get up, jump around, sing, dance, scream, ANYTHING!
Until later,
Courtney
I was so excited to head back to church tonight! I missed everybody so much--they are my second family, and even though a lot of us aren't close, just seeing their faces every week is a huge comfort! David started a really good series titled "iGod--little i, big GOD." It's based around John 3:30, which states "He must become greater, I must become less." (NIV) That is one of my favorite verses. To me, it says so much about how our lives should be.
God opened another door for me today. That girl I mentioned, the one I started talking to in 7th period? Today I was able to invite her to church comfortably--it fit into our conversation perfectly. After I asked though, I felt as if I had hit a dead end, a brick wall. She lives in Ft. Myers, and doesn't think her grandma would take her. Although I'm hesitant to admit this, I though, "Uh-oh. Now I have to tell her about Jesus himself, instead of just inviting her to church." Honestly, I've only ever done that twice, and they were extremely uncomfortable situations. I've prayed about how exactly I would start, and I've got an idea. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.
Oh, my God is so amazing! I am in absolute AWE of Him right now...I was talking to him earlier, and I was running through a list of what He is doing in my life and in the lives of the people I've been praying for. I admit, its a short list. But for the VERY FIRST time, if you were to ask me what God is doing for me RIGHT NOW, I would be able to answer you. I'm watching Him answer my prayers right before my eyes--opportunities to witness at school and the courage to follow through, building up my faith in Him and giving me a desire to spend time with Him, changing my dad's heart and giving him a willingness and an openness to hear about God's love. These may seem like simple things to some of you, but they are so important to me that to see God doing something with them brings tears of joy and wonder! I am so excited right now too! It's 11:40 pm on a school night, but I don't feel like sleeping. I just want to get up, jump around, sing, dance, scream, ANYTHING!
Until later,
Courtney
Monday, January 7, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
*continuation*
If I could, I'd tell the most fashionable girl around that she doesn't need a guy to make her happy. It seems like all this guy is doing is causing her pain and misery. I'd tell her that the way to heaven isn't what she thinks it is, but only through a relationship with Jesus Christ will she live to see that glorious city. I'd tell her that He loves her more than she could know right now, and that He'll never hurt her. She's good at faking it--she really is. But I can tell that in her eyes, life ain't too sweet right now.
God opened up an opportunity for me to talk to one of these girls today. It wasn't much, but He gave me a glimpse into her home life, and if she had gone into much more detail I would have cried. The weird thing is, she showed NO emotion. I don't just mean on her face, either. Just the way she talked about it, like she's totally used to it, and doesn't know that there is something BETTER for her out there!
Tomorrow, I'm going to that class expecting God to work again. Others may not see it yet, but God's GUNNA use me in there, and then they will. I just pray that I'll have the courage. All those kids in there seem to have their feet firmly planted in who they think they are. When I stand next to them, I realize my own sense of identity is not nearly as strong as it should be.
Switching gears, in my quiet time I learned what turning to God for help instead of friends and family truly means. God showed me that by talking to Him about it first, I hear what I really need to hear. Friends and family will, many time, just tell you what they know you WANT to hear, and not what will actually benefit you--now AND down the road.
So tomorrow, I'm putting this into action. Before talking to a friend or adult about a problem I'm having, I'm going to talk to God about it. Then, I'm actually going to WAIT for His answer, instead of rushing of to ask someone else. And I WILL follow Him.[Based off Psalm 146]
Until later,
Courtney
"Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God..." --Psalm 146:5
*continuation*
If I could, I'd tell the most fashionable girl around that she doesn't need a guy to make her happy. It seems like all this guy is doing is causing her pain and misery. I'd tell her that the way to heaven isn't what she thinks it is, but only through a relationship with Jesus Christ will she live to see that glorious city. I'd tell her that He loves her more than she could know right now, and that He'll never hurt her. She's good at faking it--she really is. But I can tell that in her eyes, life ain't too sweet right now.
God opened up an opportunity for me to talk to one of these girls today. It wasn't much, but He gave me a glimpse into her home life, and if she had gone into much more detail I would have cried. The weird thing is, she showed NO emotion. I don't just mean on her face, either. Just the way she talked about it, like she's totally used to it, and doesn't know that there is something BETTER for her out there!
Tomorrow, I'm going to that class expecting God to work again. Others may not see it yet, but God's GUNNA use me in there, and then they will. I just pray that I'll have the courage. All those kids in there seem to have their feet firmly planted in who they think they are. When I stand next to them, I realize my own sense of identity is not nearly as strong as it should be.
Switching gears, in my quiet time I learned what turning to God for help instead of friends and family truly means. God showed me that by talking to Him about it first, I hear what I really need to hear. Friends and family will, many time, just tell you what they know you WANT to hear, and not what will actually benefit you--now AND down the road.
So tomorrow, I'm putting this into action. Before talking to a friend or adult about a problem I'm having, I'm going to talk to God about it. Then, I'm actually going to WAIT for His answer, instead of rushing of to ask someone else. And I WILL follow Him.[Based off Psalm 146]
Until later,
Courtney
"Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God..." --Psalm 146:5
Friday, January 4, 2008
Friday, January 4, 2008
Yesterday I bought a book at Christ Centered, titled "Being a Girl Who Leads" by Sharon Kubiak Primicerio. Of all the books there, this one caught my attention the most because David is always talking about how our youth group just needs one person to step up and lead. In my heart, I know I want to be that person, because I desperately want to see change in our group. I want to see God move in our lives in a dramatic way, but we all kinda need to see it happening to our equals first. I'm not sure if that make any sense at all, but let me get back to my original point. This book appealed to me because although I WANT to lead others that way, I truly have no idea what David is asking of me. I figured I'd get the book and leave with a better understanding of how to go about that.And I did!It taught me that leading others isn't necessarily about carrying an important title, or achieving big things in the group. Being a girl, or a guy for that matter, who leads is about "standing for something in a world that will fall for anything", and living your life the way God intends us to. I realized that before anyone will follow your lead, they will watch you and examine your life to see if you're even worth following and trusting. They want to know if you're REAL.
On a side note, I say "if you are real" somewhat hesitantly, since every time I think of the phrase I am reminded of a short, harmless debate I had with an acquaintance of mine. By the end, we had come to the loose conclusion that everyone is fake, ourselves included. Although it was never meant to be taken seriously, it still sticks out in my mind. I honestly think there may be a hint of truth in the theory, although to what degree I am not sure.
Either way, whether it is possible to be truly "real" and honest or not, people don't want to follow a person who is fake, or a hypocrite. So, being a good leader is simply something that starts with you and your life, but being open about it--letting everybody see that you live differently than most. All in all, it was a pretty inspiring book, although to someone who isn't interested in become a solid leader, it would seem boring.
I walked away a better understanding of christian leadership, and a different view of 1 Timothy 4:12:"Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set and example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity."I love that verse--it always reminds me that age has ALWAYS been something that hindered christians in living for God. People have always said "Well, I'm only 13 (or 15 or 17)--what could God possible do with me?!" More than that though, it shows us the five main points we need to be leaders and role models in.
That's all for now.
Until later,
Courtney
Yesterday I bought a book at Christ Centered, titled "Being a Girl Who Leads" by Sharon Kubiak Primicerio. Of all the books there, this one caught my attention the most because David is always talking about how our youth group just needs one person to step up and lead. In my heart, I know I want to be that person, because I desperately want to see change in our group. I want to see God move in our lives in a dramatic way, but we all kinda need to see it happening to our equals first. I'm not sure if that make any sense at all, but let me get back to my original point. This book appealed to me because although I WANT to lead others that way, I truly have no idea what David is asking of me. I figured I'd get the book and leave with a better understanding of how to go about that.And I did!It taught me that leading others isn't necessarily about carrying an important title, or achieving big things in the group. Being a girl, or a guy for that matter, who leads is about "standing for something in a world that will fall for anything", and living your life the way God intends us to. I realized that before anyone will follow your lead, they will watch you and examine your life to see if you're even worth following and trusting. They want to know if you're REAL.
On a side note, I say "if you are real" somewhat hesitantly, since every time I think of the phrase I am reminded of a short, harmless debate I had with an acquaintance of mine. By the end, we had come to the loose conclusion that everyone is fake, ourselves included. Although it was never meant to be taken seriously, it still sticks out in my mind. I honestly think there may be a hint of truth in the theory, although to what degree I am not sure.
Either way, whether it is possible to be truly "real" and honest or not, people don't want to follow a person who is fake, or a hypocrite. So, being a good leader is simply something that starts with you and your life, but being open about it--letting everybody see that you live differently than most. All in all, it was a pretty inspiring book, although to someone who isn't interested in become a solid leader, it would seem boring.
I walked away a better understanding of christian leadership, and a different view of 1 Timothy 4:12:"Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set and example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity."I love that verse--it always reminds me that age has ALWAYS been something that hindered christians in living for God. People have always said "Well, I'm only 13 (or 15 or 17)--what could God possible do with me?!" More than that though, it shows us the five main points we need to be leaders and role models in.
That's all for now.
Until later,
Courtney
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
I'm not real sure what I'm supposed to talk about tonight. Today was the same as it has been so far over Christmas break--pretty boring. I woke up this morning to an absolutely gorgeous day--freezing cold outside! After I had breakfast I started a mini art project with my mom. She wanted us to make our yearly Christmas ornaments out of phrases and bible verses; We could pick one to hang on the tree. I got creative with mine, using five altogether. I ordered them so as to create a little "story" about God and creation. It came out really nice! So nice, in fact, that I decided to hang it in my room.
Tonight, as I was continuing my bible reading out of Hebrews, I came across a passage in chapter twelve that really caught my attention. It says:
"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
I'm not even sure what I could say to explain how I feel about that passage. I suppose it would be easier to let it speak for itself, but that wouldn't share ME, now would it? When I read this, I am filled with a feeling of extreme enthusiasm. I read it, and it makes me say, "YES! I CAN do this, and I want to get rid of everything and anything that's holding me back." Can what I go through honestly be much worse than Jesus' crucifixion? I imagine if it were me, and I can't even fathom the intensity of the pain, both physically and emotionally. If Jesus could do that for me, I most definitely can go through my life for him! And I know you hear that a lot; it's terribly cliche. But I truly believe that. I know it's not much tonight, but like I said, I didn't really know what to say. So for now I'm out.
Until later,
Courtney
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