No money.
Sunrises.
Little children.
Backpacks.
Prayer.
South America.
Hospitality.
Photography.
Cool winds.
This is what I want.
Not knowing.
Faith.
Fear.
Fearless.
Europe.
New people.
Learning.
Culture.
Hard work.
This is what I want.
Language.
Love.
Helping.
Healing.
Rainforest.
Gondolas.
Trust.
Feeling.
Planting.
This is what I want.
The Unknown.
Blessed are.
No place here.
Boundary-less.
Waiting.
Seeing.
Depth.
Living.
Reaping.
This is what I want.
Wisdom.
Truth.
Imperfection.
Obsession.
Foundation.
The uncertain.
Africa.
Prov31.
Eternity.
This is what I want.
But, what does God have planned for me?
I'll Take The Heartful Of Dreams With A Side Of Passion, Please.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Earlier at youth I was thanking God for being so big. I told him that I loved that about him--that he was not confined to a certain country, race, age, or language. I told him that I loved being able to worship him in spanish, and that for me, its a totally different experience than in english. Not better, not worse--just perfect within its own beauty. I realize that not everyone is as passionate about spanish as I am--in fact, I have yet to meet anyone who is. I probably drive my family crazy! Especially Erin. I sing worship songs in spanish to her ALL the time, and I'm nearly positive it drives her crazy. But goodness, it excites me so much to be able to worship God through a talent he has blessed me with. It gives me such a sense of...fullness, like at that particular moment, when its just me and God and whatever spanish I might be able to talk to him in, and it seems so perfect. Like I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Oh, I love how Jesus captures my heart, and I love how he can do it through other things I enjoy! Awhile back I posted a blog about the song "Came to My Resue" by Hillsong...I love that song--especially the verse I had highlighted. Well, on Sunday night, while I was taking a break from schoolwork, I was looking for new Christian spanish artists to add to my collection, and I came across an album Hillsong had released COMPLETELY in spanish. "Came to My Rescue" was on there, and the first thing I thought was "NO. WAY!!" Sho nuff...
So, now that I've learned it, it's been stuck in my head all day! I'm gunna be the weirdo at youth that sings it in spanish while everyone else sings it in english. Lol...
Oh well. I love spanish so much! Earlier today David called me an "uh-oh coconut"--white on the outside, brown on the inside. Hahahaa
So, now that I've learned it, it's been stuck in my head all day! I'm gunna be the weirdo at youth that sings it in spanish while everyone else sings it in english. Lol...
Oh well. I love spanish so much! Earlier today David called me an "uh-oh coconut"--white on the outside, brown on the inside. Hahahaa
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
As I sit here in the silence of my room, I get ready to seek God's face. I have been writing in my journal on and off lately, sometimes about random things that went on throughout my day, but often my writing has been me coming to terms with who I am and desperate pleas for change. I have had no particular motivation to post anything, but earlier tonight, I decided I needed to. Change in my relationship with God will not fully come until I allow my confessions to get past the privacy and secrecy of my bedroom and my journal.
I found it interesting that David chose to talk about spiritual revival tonight. Everything he spoke about struck the very core of my heart. Everything that I have learned lately was emphasized tonight, and it was the little push I needed to APPLY that knowledge.
Awhile ago, I asked God to show me who I am in comparison to Him. He has begun to do just that, and it has been a horrible experience.
Lately, as in the past month or so, I have felt like God simply wasn't there anymore. I knew he was, but I could not feel his presence anywhere, no matter what I did. I became "spiritually depressed" and began to distance my self from God. Not on purpose--that's just what happened. Although I continued to read my bible and pray, it was simply that. It was not communicating with God, but just empty motions. Slowly, I began to see myself as certain things, and I was afraid to admit them even to myself. I apologized to God for those things, and I asked him to change my heart, but I don't think I really cared.
There was no grief.
Then, something changed that.
As written Sunday, September 28, 2008:
I am beginning to see myself for who I am, rather than for who I want to be. I am a hypocrite. A liar. Prideful. Fake. Arrogant. Shallow. Selfish. Too independent. Ashamed.
These words are dirty and disgusting and I cringe every time I read them about myself because I know they are true; that is my pride talking. I believe sometimes that I do everything right; that is why I am arrogant. I write these blogs and I teach people the right way to live for God, yet I barely spend time with Him anymore; that is the reason I am a hypocrite, a liar, lazy, shallow, and FAKE. I don't always want to listen to others' advice; I am too independent. I don't tell people about Jesus; I am scared, and for that…ASHAMED.
Father, I need you so much! I'm broken, God, and the life I supposedly live for you is a joke right now. I don't wanna be those things I listed. Thank you for your love and your grace…you have already cleaned me up so much! Thank you for using my sin to show me who you are! How you, so perfect and so holy, could love ME, is BEYOND AMAZING!
God, I pray that you would become more in me. Teach me once again how to seek you for YOU, rather than for show. I wanna grow closer to you than ever before, God. I love you so much, but I pray that you would turn that love into your kind, rather than my own worldly love. You amaze me, God. Thank you so much for everything.
So much is going on right now. I just need to stop all the stuff I'm trying to lead and just focus on getting right with God. For right now, I need to go.
I need to hit the floor and seek God's face.
I have changed my view of God, and I have turned him into a god that fits me and my plans, rather than conforming to His.
That is no longer acceptable to me.
Lord, please help me.
Show me what it means to truly call you Lord again.
I found it interesting that David chose to talk about spiritual revival tonight. Everything he spoke about struck the very core of my heart. Everything that I have learned lately was emphasized tonight, and it was the little push I needed to APPLY that knowledge.
Awhile ago, I asked God to show me who I am in comparison to Him. He has begun to do just that, and it has been a horrible experience.
Lately, as in the past month or so, I have felt like God simply wasn't there anymore. I knew he was, but I could not feel his presence anywhere, no matter what I did. I became "spiritually depressed" and began to distance my self from God. Not on purpose--that's just what happened. Although I continued to read my bible and pray, it was simply that. It was not communicating with God, but just empty motions. Slowly, I began to see myself as certain things, and I was afraid to admit them even to myself. I apologized to God for those things, and I asked him to change my heart, but I don't think I really cared.
There was no grief.
Then, something changed that.
As written Sunday, September 28, 2008:
I am beginning to see myself for who I am, rather than for who I want to be. I am a hypocrite. A liar. Prideful. Fake. Arrogant. Shallow. Selfish. Too independent. Ashamed.
These words are dirty and disgusting and I cringe every time I read them about myself because I know they are true; that is my pride talking. I believe sometimes that I do everything right; that is why I am arrogant. I write these blogs and I teach people the right way to live for God, yet I barely spend time with Him anymore; that is the reason I am a hypocrite, a liar, lazy, shallow, and FAKE. I don't always want to listen to others' advice; I am too independent. I don't tell people about Jesus; I am scared, and for that…ASHAMED.
Father, I need you so much! I'm broken, God, and the life I supposedly live for you is a joke right now. I don't wanna be those things I listed. Thank you for your love and your grace…you have already cleaned me up so much! Thank you for using my sin to show me who you are! How you, so perfect and so holy, could love ME, is BEYOND AMAZING!
God, I pray that you would become more in me. Teach me once again how to seek you for YOU, rather than for show. I wanna grow closer to you than ever before, God. I love you so much, but I pray that you would turn that love into your kind, rather than my own worldly love. You amaze me, God. Thank you so much for everything.
So much is going on right now. I just need to stop all the stuff I'm trying to lead and just focus on getting right with God. For right now, I need to go.
I need to hit the floor and seek God's face.
I have changed my view of God, and I have turned him into a god that fits me and my plans, rather than conforming to His.
That is no longer acceptable to me.
Lord, please help me.
Show me what it means to truly call you Lord again.
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