Oh man...I thank God so often that I have friends and family who care about and can relate to how I feel about things, and I'm thankful that God has given me writing as an outlet to express myself. Some people have music or speech, art or whatever, but writing has been the only consistant thing that helps me explain myself. Without it, I don't think people would know me as well as they do.

Tomorrow I send off my $200 enrollment and housing deposit. Up until this point the preparations have just seemed like more steps along the path, but actually sending off money and waiting to see who my roommate will be makes it all the more real! I really am excited. I'm excited to get out of Lehigh, and to meet new people, and to learn in such AWESOME-sounding courses! I'm excited to test my faith and see what I'm really made of and how much I can really handle. Yes, I'm still concerned about leaving Val and my family and friends behind, but I try to remind myself that Lakeland is NOT that far away.

I'm waiting to see the rest of my financial aid packet for Southeastern. So far it's looking pretty good--no loans. We'll see what else I can get from them. Edison, on the other hand...I need to call tomorrow to find out if they're really done reviewing my financial information. So far they're saying that all I'm getting from them is Bright Futures, which is not good. The state changed how much money you get, so instead of getting 100% of community college, I will get $78 per credit hour. That's close, but doesn't quite cover tuition. Then there's books, still...so, yeah. We'll see. I should look for a job. Haha. You know, I laugh, but I really should. It's just extremely difficult. I don't want to be making excuses or anything, but without a car I'm confined to Lehigh, and of course in this economy I haven't heard of anyone in Lehigh hiring. It's tough, and I hate having to rely so much on my parents for stuff. Val's great too--he spoils me! Without him offering to pay for me, I'd never go out or do anything with him! Lol

Well, I'm out for now. Goodnight!

What To Title This...

Ohhh, I am dreading January.
It's going to be so hard.
I will miss my family so much, but
I know that I will always have them.

What if Val gets tired of me not being there?
He says he won't, but maybe he's wrong.
How does he know?

I don't want to lose him because of that.
Well, I don't want to lose him at all.
These thoughts just make me want to
stay here in Lehigh.

God, comfort me please.
I love you, and I know that
when all else fails, You are
STILL THERE.

=[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

I never do anything 6th period at school. I'm an aide for a history/psych teacher that I had last year, but for the past month or two I'm rarely in that class. I usually go into Mr. Toms' room and chill with him and whoever else is in there, ESPECIALLY these last couple weeks. Last Tuesday a couple guys started a 500-piece puzzle in Toms' lab, and when I started helping I realized that I had forgotten how much I love puzzles. So, on Thursday, I went in there to work on the puzzle during 6th period. It was just me and Toms and his aide, and so while I was concentrating, we started talking about church and Christianity and stuff.

I thought it was a really neat opportunity to hear what he thinks, and to be heard in return. We both were able to voice our opinion and have an uninterrupted conversation. I really enjoyed it! We talked a lot about Toms' past in relation to the Catholic church, and a lot about hypocrisy. He mentioned how he hears kids debate whole evolution vs. creationism deal, yet turn around and live NOTHING like they should based on what they just defended. He told me that I seem like I live out what I believe, and I'm glad that he at least sees that I'm trying. We talked about how easy it is to say that there is a God in control when things are good, but how do you explain all of the bad stuff--it's a turn-off, basically is what he said.

In all, I'm REALLY glad that I had that chance to talk to him. I LOVE hearing people's opinions about things--I really do. And for him to bring it up and chat with me about it for a good 45 minutes was awesome. I can only pray for more one-on-one moments like that with people.



Thank you Jesus for that chance to tell him about you! It may not have made a difference at the time, but I pray that someday down the road it will. Whether he believes it or not, Mr. Toms needs you. Lord, show him who you are and the love you have for him, and send someone else my way I can share you with! I love you, God

Oh, Hershey.

I read one of those silly myspace surveys this morning, and one of the questions was something like "Have you ever kissed someone who's name begins with an M or an R?" The person's reply was "Not sure".

That saddens me. It makes me so glad that I can say I've only kissed one guy so far in my 17 years. It shows how special I think they are. (I'm talking about the kisses, not the guy, although the guy is pretty special too. Lol)

I think it's a sad thing when someone can't remember the names of all the people they've kissed, even at 17 or 18 years old.

That's all.

*Sigh*

And I thought I take sin too lightly sometimes...

I guess it was just kind of shocking to me. Not what those people were doing, but how other people treated it. I'm disappointed in them, honestly. I had thought that they stood for something more than that, but I guess not.

I didn't believe Val when he said I would see a different side of people, but I guess maybe he was right. Not that I've never seen that stuff, but it made me remember why I've worked so hard to watch where I go and who I hang out with. Last night just showed me that maybe I care about sin more than I thought I did, which is a good thing. I just don't understand how someone can stand up for someone else and protect them when they make the same mistakes over and over again. It's like they're just protecting the sin...saying "Yeah, what they're doing is wrong, but it's okay. They can't help it." And really, THAT'S wrong.

I don't know...it was interesting. I hate that I sound like some sheltered little goodie-goodie, but I suppose in reality that's what I am. I think I'm thankful for that, and I can only pray that I won't ever put myself in a position to defend someone else's sin, or my own for that matter.

Later.


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I just thought I would come back and clear this up a little, because I realize it's very confusing if you don't already know what I'm talking about. Tonight at youth group David's message struck my heart because of what I'm talking about in this very entry. He was talking about Romans chapters 1 and 12, and how the sins of the Romans are the very same sins of today, if not even MORE applicable. Romans 1:32 says "Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them." Ouch. The second I read that verse tonight I knew I was in for a lesson from God.

Sunday night I went to the beach with some of my friends, but also with some people I don't normally hang out with. I wasn't really sure about it at first because I'm usually very careful about who I hang around, but I thought "Ehh, why not? It couldn't hurt to try hanging with some new people..." At first I was having fun and stuff, but then some of them broke out the alcohol and started smoking. After awhile, they were drunk and making out with each other and stuff, and I was completely blown away. However, not because of their actions necessarily--I've seen that stuff before. I was disappointed in the attitude that my friends had about it. They basically laughed it off, saying there was nothing you can do about it...it was whatever to them. I disagreed completely, especially when at least one was a relative of my friends. I felt like they should have cared more about what those people were doing to themselves rather than how they were going to hide it from their parents. It just kind of shocked me that the friends of mine that I thought I looked up to would have such a nonchalant view of something the bible teaches is so dangerous. Wow, that's a mouthful--sorry. At the time, I thought well, since I don't really know them, I can't really do anything about it. And maybe that's true to a degree, but looking back I feel like there were times where I could have taken a stronger stand against it.

Hopefully that makes things a little clearer without putting everyones business out there. While it certainly is not my job to be a tattletale and call people out on here, I certainly am not going to protect them by hiding what they were doing. Perhaps if they're that concerned they shouldn't have been doing it at all. And don't give me peer pressure as an excuse. It's a lame one, since there were others of us who didn't have anything to do with it. Don't beg me not to be mad at you. Yeah, I'm disappointed. Granted, I didn't expect much else, but I'm still disappointed.

And you all...I thought you stood for more than that?



God, please give me the courage to stand up for what's right when I need to. Help me put aside that fear of confrontation not only for you, but for the people who are sinning. Help me lose the fear of confronting MYSELF when I sin.
I love you God, and I'm sorry that I'm a lame witness for you so often.