i need to just admit my faith is paper thin. im feeling so burned out on religion...i say an empty prayer, i sing a tired song. i need to just admit that the passion’s gone and i want to get it back. you told me look for you, and i will find. so im here like im searching for the first time. revive me, Jesus...make this cold heart start to move. help me rediscover you! i want to learn to pray the way that david prayed. i want my soul to burn when i hear your name. i want to feel like new, i want to hunger for you. bring me back to life like only you can do cuz i dont want to stay the same!

--starfield

Restore Unto Me the Joy of Who You Are

God sure is doing a work in me.

Good Times!

I really wish I had something to say. I miss blogging so much, but for quite some time now it seems as though all my thoughts have completely dried up! I'd just like to say that I am so thankful for where God has me right now. Social work chapel this morning was really quite good. About once a month the social work department puts on a special chapel service separate from the rest of the student body, and the speaker is usually someone from the field or on our advisory board. Today's was a lady who works as a speech pathologist, and she has such a passion for God and sharing Him in her everyday work. Her message this morning was great, and she summed everything up by praying, and then having us pair off and pray with each other. It was so so nice to do that, because it doesn't happen enough. I really want prayer to become an integral part of my relationships with my friends and other "classmates", for lack of a better word. You would think that going to a Christian school it would be an easier thing to do, but surprisingly that has not been my experience so far. Then again, perhaps I should take a bit more initiative...

Also, I'd like to make a shout-out to my wonderful friends/suitemates here. They are so good to me, most of the time. Since the start of the semester, three of us have had birthdays, and between everyone's ideas and planning, they've been pretty creative. My birthday was the latest one; it was last Saturday, but I went home to visit that weekend, so we didn't do anything. Sunday night I was told that I can't make any plans for this coming Saturday, but could not know anything else. THEN. This morning at 4:30 am every single one of my suitemates come into my room and turn the light on, screaming their heads off, blasting music, and telling me to get up. It's funny because I thought there was some sort of emergency. I had looked at the time on my phone probably 10 minutes before that and thought "Oh good, I have another hour and a half to sleep!" But no :) I was sooo angry at first though, for real. I wanted to cry. I was literally just telling Kari last night before bed that I really hate Thursdays because they're such long, busy days for me. Even though I only have two classes, my first one starts at 7:30 in the morning, and then I work until midnight later on. So, little did I know that this particular Thursday my day was going to be a lot longer! Haha

Anyways, all of this to say that I love my friends. I think this was pretty much the best birthday ever, and Saturday hasn't even come yet! I don't think anyone has ever surprised me like this before, and I'm pretty sure that this years birthday ranks pretty darn close to my Long Johns one like 10 years ago or something. Haha you guys are all awesome. I love youuu!

The end. I'll be sure to get back about how Saturday goes ;)

When will I be okay?

this is my prayer in the desert...

"All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship!"

--Hillsong

New seasons begin whether you are ready for them or not, and they will proceed forward even if you have not moved past the previous. This is my new season. I'm not sure what God has in store for me, and I'm not sure what He had in mind when he made me flip the page to start a new chapter. My heart aches for a rewind button, to fix what went wrong, to erase the pain, but at the same time my head tells me that this is for the best. I'm not sure how to move on, but I'm trusting that God has something bigger and better in mind for my life, and I'm praying that He would continue to shape us into who we need to be in Him. I pray that He would provide comfort and clarity, and that we would learn from this and do it better next time. I pray that He would give us direction as we discover our own identities in Him, and that He would make us whole again. Lord, let your peace fall on our hearts and teach us what it means to really fall in love with You. I don't know what you're doing right now, but I trust you.

Jesus, heal my heart, because I don't know how to do it myself...