Does anyone get it?!

Tonight I write because I feel frustrated, alone, and thoroughly misunderstood.

Earlier today I completely revamped my blog and was reading through my previous posts, and I came across the link to that modesty survey I wrote about before. Reading through that is such an encouraging reminder to continue to strive for modesty, out of respect for myself, but mainly for my guys. They have a tough enough time as it is--I don't want to be the girl that contributes to their struggles. After reading through this I came across my post about people not knowing the names of the people they have kissed, or even how many. I was on the phone with Val at the time, and I brought it up in our conversation. All he really had to say was "Not everyone's like YOU, Courtney..." While I know this, it still saddens me that the world takes so many things for granted, in this case, the intimacy and specialness of a single kiss. Even though I fail sometimes, I try really really hard to hold myself to a higher standard than other girls, and even other people in general, depending on what it is. Clothing is one aspect, and what I'm willing to do with how many guys is another. Language, music, the kinds of people I hang around--I pay close attention to all of these things, and I feel like that's a really great thing (in a completely non-conceited way, of course). It's not that I think I'm better than anyone else, or that I look down on people for not being "like me". I just think that people live by such low standards these days, and ought to put more effort into making sure that their own standards are in line with God's. Even if someone isn't a "Christian" or anything like that, they should still have enough self-respect to not dress like a slut or make-out with anyone that's interested.

I think what frustrates me the most is the fact that I feel like Val and I are on different levels when it comes to things like this. I feel like when I tell him what I think, he just thinks I'm ridiculous. In my opinion, these are things that should be appreciated in a girlfriend, and yet I don't think he understands. I don't know what my point is anymore. It's not just Val either. When I'm with friends I feel the subtle pressure to lower my standards as well. I want someone there who will correct me if I'm wearing something I shouldn't be, or behaving in a way I shouldn't be, or saying something I shouldn't be. I want someone who will hold me accountable to these things, not because I ask them to, but because they too desire the same consistent purity that I do. I want guys to appreciate the efforts girls put into dressing modestly, since they do it for them, and I want to hear encouraging words from people who are pressing towards the same goal. If the people closest to me aren't striving to live by God's standards, I suppose I have a pretty big problem then, don't I. It's funny how hard it is to find these people in a crowd of Christians.