I really wish I had something to say. I miss blogging so much, but for quite some time now it seems as though all my thoughts have completely dried up! I'd just like to say that I am so thankful for where God has me right now. Social work chapel this morning was really quite good. About once a month the social work department puts on a special chapel service separate from the rest of the student body, and the speaker is usually someone from the field or on our advisory board. Today's was a lady who works as a speech pathologist, and she has such a passion for God and sharing Him in her everyday work. Her message this morning was great, and she summed everything up by praying, and then having us pair off and pray with each other. It was so so nice to do that, because it doesn't happen enough. I really want prayer to become an integral part of my relationships with my friends and other "classmates", for lack of a better word. You would think that going to a Christian school it would be an easier thing to do, but surprisingly that has not been my experience so far. Then again, perhaps I should take a bit more initiative...

Also, I'd like to make a shout-out to my wonderful friends/suitemates here. They are so good to me, most of the time. Since the start of the semester, three of us have had birthdays, and between everyone's ideas and planning, they've been pretty creative. My birthday was the latest one; it was last Saturday, but I went home to visit that weekend, so we didn't do anything. Sunday night I was told that I can't make any plans for this coming Saturday, but could not know anything else. THEN. This morning at 4:30 am every single one of my suitemates come into my room and turn the light on, screaming their heads off, blasting music, and telling me to get up. It's funny because I thought there was some sort of emergency. I had looked at the time on my phone probably 10 minutes before that and thought "Oh good, I have another hour and a half to sleep!" But no :) I was sooo angry at first though, for real. I wanted to cry. I was literally just telling Kari last night before bed that I really hate Thursdays because they're such long, busy days for me. Even though I only have two classes, my first one starts at 7:30 in the morning, and then I work until midnight later on. So, little did I know that this particular Thursday my day was going to be a lot longer! Haha

Anyways, all of this to say that I love my friends. I think this was pretty much the best birthday ever, and Saturday hasn't even come yet! I don't think anyone has ever surprised me like this before, and I'm pretty sure that this years birthday ranks pretty darn close to my Long Johns one like 10 years ago or something. Haha you guys are all awesome. I love youuu!

The end. I'll be sure to get back about how Saturday goes ;)

When will I be okay?

this is my prayer in the desert...

"All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship!"

--Hillsong

New seasons begin whether you are ready for them or not, and they will proceed forward even if you have not moved past the previous. This is my new season. I'm not sure what God has in store for me, and I'm not sure what He had in mind when he made me flip the page to start a new chapter. My heart aches for a rewind button, to fix what went wrong, to erase the pain, but at the same time my head tells me that this is for the best. I'm not sure how to move on, but I'm trusting that God has something bigger and better in mind for my life, and I'm praying that He would continue to shape us into who we need to be in Him. I pray that He would provide comfort and clarity, and that we would learn from this and do it better next time. I pray that He would give us direction as we discover our own identities in Him, and that He would make us whole again. Lord, let your peace fall on our hearts and teach us what it means to really fall in love with You. I don't know what you're doing right now, but I trust you.

Jesus, heal my heart, because I don't know how to do it myself...

Despite the misleading title...

As someone who has worked in a library for the past four months, I can appreciate this scenario. A co-worker posted this on Facebook, and while it's kinda lame, I find it amusing, so I thought I would share. I will point out that the man ISN'T very helpful. Still though...Haha, the ending was the best part. Enjoy!

Does anyone get it?!

Tonight I write because I feel frustrated, alone, and thoroughly misunderstood.

Earlier today I completely revamped my blog and was reading through my previous posts, and I came across the link to that modesty survey I wrote about before. Reading through that is such an encouraging reminder to continue to strive for modesty, out of respect for myself, but mainly for my guys. They have a tough enough time as it is--I don't want to be the girl that contributes to their struggles. After reading through this I came across my post about people not knowing the names of the people they have kissed, or even how many. I was on the phone with Val at the time, and I brought it up in our conversation. All he really had to say was "Not everyone's like YOU, Courtney..." While I know this, it still saddens me that the world takes so many things for granted, in this case, the intimacy and specialness of a single kiss. Even though I fail sometimes, I try really really hard to hold myself to a higher standard than other girls, and even other people in general, depending on what it is. Clothing is one aspect, and what I'm willing to do with how many guys is another. Language, music, the kinds of people I hang around--I pay close attention to all of these things, and I feel like that's a really great thing (in a completely non-conceited way, of course). It's not that I think I'm better than anyone else, or that I look down on people for not being "like me". I just think that people live by such low standards these days, and ought to put more effort into making sure that their own standards are in line with God's. Even if someone isn't a "Christian" or anything like that, they should still have enough self-respect to not dress like a slut or make-out with anyone that's interested.

I think what frustrates me the most is the fact that I feel like Val and I are on different levels when it comes to things like this. I feel like when I tell him what I think, he just thinks I'm ridiculous. In my opinion, these are things that should be appreciated in a girlfriend, and yet I don't think he understands. I don't know what my point is anymore. It's not just Val either. When I'm with friends I feel the subtle pressure to lower my standards as well. I want someone there who will correct me if I'm wearing something I shouldn't be, or behaving in a way I shouldn't be, or saying something I shouldn't be. I want someone who will hold me accountable to these things, not because I ask them to, but because they too desire the same consistent purity that I do. I want guys to appreciate the efforts girls put into dressing modestly, since they do it for them, and I want to hear encouraging words from people who are pressing towards the same goal. If the people closest to me aren't striving to live by God's standards, I suppose I have a pretty big problem then, don't I. It's funny how hard it is to find these people in a crowd of Christians.

According To You, by Orianthi

Supposedly this song is about the girl's crappy boyfriend, but when I first heard this, all I heard was an awesome anthem of Jesus' love and the way he sees us. I can't help but think about those girls out there that are in this situation, who have a boyfriend (or anyone, really) who think they are worthless, good-for-nothing, wastes of time. I want girls all over to hear this song and know that Jesus absolutely adores them, short attention spans and all :)

I'm stupid

I'm useless

I can't do anything right

According to you

I'm difficult

Hard to please

Forever changing my mind

I'm a mess in a dress

Can't show up on time

Even if it would save my life

According to you

According to you

But according to him

I'm beautiful, incredible

He can't get me out of his head

According to him

I'm funny, irresistible

Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite

I don't feel like stopping it

So baby tell me what I got to lose

He's into me for everything I'm not

According to you

According to you

I'm boring

I'm moody

You can't take me any place

According to you

I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away

I'm the girl with the worst attention span

You're the boy who puts up with it

According to you

According to you

But according to him

I'm beautiful, incredible

He can't get me out of his head

According to him

I'm funny, irresistible

Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite

I don't feel like stopping it

So baby tell me what I got to lose

He's into me for everything I'm not

According to you

I need to feel appreciated

like I'm not hated

Oh, no

Why can't you see me through his eyes?

It's too bad you're making me decide

Oh, lessons learned

I am in the middle of a lesson.
I'm making it through it okay, but I can feel that I'm just barely grasping it, you know?

That probably doesn't make sense, but I thank Jesus for his guidance!

More later :)

Loving Jesus Without Limits--An Excerpt

         "Many people could claim to know me because they’ve read some very intimate details of my life in books I’ve written. But to know me through a book can’t compare with how my friend knows me so personally and intimately.
         Suddenly I sensed God saying, Uh-huh! That's exactly how I feel, Shannon. Lots of people know many things about Me because they've read My Book, but they have yet to experience the joy of being in an intimate friendship with Me.
         Think about it. Would you enter a room where your closest friend was waiting, sit down near her, pick up a book about her life and read a chapter or two, then stand up and leave without personally interacting with her? Of course not. So why are we tempted to do that with God?
         We often fail to comprehend that He isn’t just some distant Being responsible for our salvation. He’s a real person with real feelings and real longings. He went to the trouble of creating us and redeeming us so He could enjoy an intimate relationship with us—forever."


--Shannon Ethridge, from her book titled Completely His

Yesss.

It's people like Breanna Nichols who inspire me to keep posting my thoughts :)
Thanks for reading, everyone.

<3

Does anyone understand?

This is so cheesy, but I love those moments that really unite people. Those times when people who have absolutely nothing in common are suddenly bound together because of something. It could be a crisis, like Hurricane Katrina or the Haiti earthquake, or it could be something small and unimportant. Today, I had to laugh at myself. I don't know what the weather is like anywhere else today, but here it's rainy, and as I was walking across campus, I noticed how everyone was carrying an umbrella, and I thought it was funny. I probably smiled at a little too enthusiastically at the next person I passed, but that's okay. I will enjoy my own cheesiness and know that even if no one else gets it, it makes me happy.

:]

Oh, the things God does...

I feel foolish, and so I don't want to share, but I will anyways, because...I should. In my last post I talked about having no money and how work-study jobs were sucky. If you haven't read that post, go read it first, then come back.

Before I came up here, I had been praying and praying that God would provide the funding I needed to go to school here. I knew that it was Him who told me to come here in the first place, so I knew that He would help me pay for it. For awhile before school was going to start, I was still about a thousand dollars short, and although it seemed like my parents were really concerned, I wasn't all that much. I had given this issue to God and I was trusting that He would come through (because really, when does He not?), even though I had NO IDEA where the money would come from. Two weeks before I was to head here, I got word that I had been taken off the waiting list and awarded the work-study. I was given a limit of $1500 for the semester, and was free to do whatever I wanted with the paychecks, including putting it all towards school. This was literally the answer to my prayers, and I knew it as soon as I found out. I was so excited, and I prayed then and there, thanking God for providing. Next thing you know, I'm here at school complaining because I would have only gotten 6.5 hours a week, which wouldn't have gotten me anywhere close to that $1500. After not finding a different job fast enough, I decided to take the work-study one just so I could have SOME money coming in. I seemed to have forgotten that I was "trusting God"...I tried to take control of my situation again, and I didn't even realize it. It never even hit me until I was sitting in chapel the other morning, and randomly I realized that I was working a full 13 hours a week. All that time I spent filling out endless applications and stressing and talking to people and complaining I was praying that God would give me a good job. Funny thing is, He already had. When my silly little head couldn't see how things could possibly work out, God was still there, and it wasn't until I fell back into place with His plan that I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

I was absolutely in awe when this hit me. It was so clear, as if I were watching it happen in a movie, and it made me feel so tiny.

The end.

Thoughts For The Day :)

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

         On one of the days during the youth trip to Guatemala this past summer, David read us this verse and had us journal about it for a little while. I don't have that entry with me here at school, so I don't quite remember what his prompt was or what I wrote, but I do know that it wasn't really THAT big of an impact for me. After a week of taking care of malnourished babies and scrubbing and cleaning and painting and scraping, it made sense why he chose that verse, but it didn't mean all that much. Thursday morning in chapel either Pastor Chris or one of the other speakers mentioned it while talking about "being the answer", and it sort of took on a new meaning. No, maybe that's not right. It meant the same thing, it just meant MORE.
         I am going to school for social work, with the hopes of one day working with children in adoptions and foster care, and maybe even full-time missions someday down the road. The more I think about what I am doing and where I am headed, the more I feel like this verse should be MINE, like this is what drives me. I love people, and I have a heart for helping them. It feels fulfilling when I accomplish something for someone else's benefit, for someone who REALLY needed it. I dream so big, but only because it's all stuff I cannot do alone. You know, I dream of those huge God-moments found in life's little ones, and making an incredible difference one person at a time simply by letting God work through me. I want so badly to trust God and experience his power during those times when I have nothing else to lean on.
         The funny thing is, that's kind of right now...I didn't know anybody here at Southeastern when I came, and so as I meet people and attempt to find a niche, I am relying so much more on God as my friend, not just my god. I have been talking to him constantly throughout the day, even about silly little things. I am broke. I mean, I have money, but I need every penny of it for school, especially since I don't have a job yet. I can't find a good enough work-study job, and I have been filling out endless numbers of applications elsewhere, all the while praying praying praying that God would work things out and continue to provide. If there is anything I understand about God, it's that he will. I can't say that I have the same big miraculous stories that some other people have, but my own are just as great a testimony to God's faithfulness, at least to myself.
         I am so excited to see what all God will allow me to do this semester. I feel a little guilty because it has been so easy for me to up and move away from everyone, and although I do miss my family, I am happy here. I LIKE being on my own, and I like being independent (as independent as I can be without a car--lol). I do wish Val were here with me, though. Being here and experiencing all this new stuff isn't the same without him by my side. Lord, please let this semester go by quickly...!
         I'm going to go, I think. I'll be sure to post something more later on. I'd like to get into the habit of posting school updates consistently, for the sake of those back home, but once classes really get going, I don't know how often that will be. Goodnight!