My grandpa passed away today. Although we're not sure if he ever truly accepted Christ or not, I can no longer dwell on that--what good would it do? It's hard though, because SINCE we don't know whether he went to heaven or hell, what can we celebrate? At least if we knew he had accepted Christ we could find joy in the fact that he made it home to Jesus, despite the life and memories he left behind. But we cannot. I now find it hardest to watch my family, especially my dad. I cry, not because my grandpa's gone, but because I have never seen Daddy so bad, so distraught. If you're never really around him or if you don't know him that well, you might not be able to tell. I think he and I have that in common--we do the best we can to hold it all in, sometimes for the sake of being strong.

What kills me though is that people like my dad and my grandma have no way of dealing with this. They don't have the hope in Jesus the way my mom, my sister and I do. At least we have the best possible shoulder to lean on, no matter what level of grief we experience. They don't have that, so what do they do? What do I do? What on earth could I possibly say to comfort them? I'm lost when it comes to that.

We went to see him earlier tonight. He looked so peaceful, as if he were sleeping...
It's late. I'll finish this later.

Until then,
Courtney

reticent?

I have a strange feeling in my heart.
I’m not real sure how to react to everything.
Grandma made a good point--in one of my surveys I said that life’s pretty good right now, which kind of scares me.
It makes me wonder just when something will happen.
Well, bingo.
I’m not close to him.
I never was.
But still.
And I think the biggest thing for me is making sure he’s saved.
I knew I was supposed to talk to him.
God laid it on my heart.
I was scared.
And I wanted to do it alone with him.
I thought I wouldn’t do it, but God gave me the chance.
It was awkward at first, and I didn’t know what to say.
We talked.
I can’t say for sure if he’s saved, of course, but if someone can confidently say "I believe in heaven and hell. I believe in God and Jesus. I believe Jesus died for everyone", then isn’t that enough to get into heaven?
I’m confused about how to feel, even with my faith in God.
If it’s that way for me, what’s it like for all them?
Oh, dear.