As written in either late 2012 or early 2013, but never posted:

What do you do when everything falls apart around you, but it's not your life?

How do you stay strong for everyone else when a part of you feels as though you shouldn't have to deal with this, that you shouldn't be involved, that you deserve different?

Not to say that those feelings don't apply to everyone else--certainly they do, and even more so than I--but how do you handle that?

Is it wrong to want to postpone things in your life until they can be enjoyed by everyone?

I don't want to start off a marriage like this, watching one disintegrate.

Although, it could probably be compared to a game of Jenga.

For years pieces were being pulled out but I didn't know.

I just so happened to witness the tumbling crash, the game over, the "you lose".

Is it wrong to want to wait until better, happier times?

I'm afraid to spend too much time by myself, to let my mind wander, to really take this all in.

I'm afraid to let up my shades, unlock my door, break down my walls for fear of becoming too vulnerable.

It's easier just to keep those things up tight and appear solid for everyone.

Where is my prayer? Where is my God?

Probably where I left Him, waiting for me to return.

What happened? How did I get here? How did they get here? How did we get here?

It's been a long time, too long, and I always thought it'd be different, that I'd be different.

I am weak.

Deep down, my heart is broken for her and him and us.

For what used to be and is to come.

For what should be.

The memories, the life, the love.

They just lay on the floor until we sweep them away.

& Life Makes Love Look Hard

            I wouldn't necessarily put Taylor Swift on my list of favorite artists, but I must admit that I do genuinely like all of her radio singles. They're usually pretty catchy and easy to sing along to, which is a must for me ;) Below are some lyrics from her song titled "Ours":

"You never know what people have up their sleeves
Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles
But I don't care 'cause right now you're mine


And you'll say
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours"

            What struck me from these lyrics are the lines in italics. It's easy to sing these words and not really pay attention to the meaning behind them, but think about it. How often do we ladies allow our significant other's past girlfriends and love interests to shatter our confidence and make us doubt what we've got. It's so easy to let a picture or a nickname or our imagination get deep in our heads and make us wonder "why me?". We allow these things to make themselves at home first in our thoughts and then in our hearts, only to find that it ruins self-esteem and relationships.

            Taylor Swift got it right when she sang "But I don't care cause right now you're mine". Girls, who you're with right now may or may not be the man you end up marrying, and you may one day become someone else's lip-glossed ghost, but for whatever reason, you are the person he wants to love and be with at this time in his life. If he truly loves you and treats you right, let his past go! You are his--not those other girls. Don't forget that everyone has a past, and that baggage comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes; It's inevitable, and remember that you've got some of you're own.

So, don't you worry your pretty little mind, because your identity resides in Christ!

heavy heart

Guess Who's Old(er)?!

Happy belated 25th birthday to Momma! ;)

Isn't she just beautiful?

The fam had a wonderful time yesterday just laughing and hanging out together!

It's nice to be home for a bit.

Love you Mother!

When You're Gone

This video...is so sad.

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through

The day and make it ok

I miss you

I've never felt this way before

Everything that I do reminds me of you

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor

And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

And when you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

And when you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through

The day and make it ok

I miss you

We were made for each other

Out here forever

I know we were, yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah